Developing or identifying your purpose is one of the most important things that you can do in your life. Whether you are single or married, God has a purpose for you that has nothing to do with your marital status.
If you are unclear of your purpose, consider the intersection of your passion, people, and proficiency.
Developing Your Purpose – Planted
When I was 17 years old, my friend “Sophia” was a senior and had been dating “Kevin” for two years. He proposed and she accepted.
Their families knew each other.
They were from a small town where everyone knew them and expected them to marry.
For her whole senior year, she was planning this huge church wedding. At lunch and recess, we would talk about the plans, look at colors, pick dresses, detail after detail.
However, I was unsettled inside.
That alert that I now understand as red flags were flying all over this union.
I felt so compelled to ask one question. “Do you really want to marry Kevin, or do you feel like you have to because everyone expects it?
But I never did. I was too young to understand the gift that God was developing in me back then!
Developing Your Purpose – Blossoming
I remember, every night trying to plan a way I could say it without offending her. And every day, I would chicken out.
For the whole school year, I chickened out of asking that one question.
I didn’t know back then that it could have helped, or how to help.
Sophia graduated and got married that Spring. I attended the wedding, celebrated the union, hoped for the best, and put those red flags out of my mind. Sophia and Kevin set off on their married life.
One year later, when I finished my senior year, Sophia came to my graduation. I had not seen her since the wedding. I asked her about Kevin, and she said, “We’re divorced”.
She said that neither one of them wanted to get married. They both felt pressure from their family, friends, and community. They didn’t want to disappoint anyone, and they didn’t even admit it to each other. Until it was too late.
Developing Your Purpose – Nurtured
I felt horrible!
At that moment, I decided that if I could help it, no one I knew would go through this because they felt the pressure. And I committed to speaking up even if they got upset in the moment.
I gave them permission to make a healthy choice for themself in the long term.
I never wanted any women ignorantly engaging in unhealthy relationships or avoiding relationships because of fear of choosing incorrectly. And I never wanted to feel the regret of not knowing how to help women recognize the warning signs and cultivate their own alert.
I’ve been committed to growing my own skills.
As well as building the support we all need to make right choices to get from “anyone will do” to the “I do” that is meant for you.
This situation lead me to my purpose in speaking and coaching singles, primarily women, in their life and relationships.
It is the thing that I do that gives me energy rather than depleting it. When you do what you love, it is not work.
This is the reason for this blog, my YouTube program, my e-book, and speaking engagements.
Developing Your Purpose!
Are you doing what you were created to do?
You will never love the life that you have or the life you want if you don’t tap into your purpose.
There is a person out there that God made you to serve.
They will live healthier, earn a better income, be a better parent, deepen their relationship with Him because of you walking in your purpose.
We all have a purpose and God supplies the gifting to fulfill that purpose.
When we have all the things that success means to us, but we lack the fulfillment of doing what God created us to do, there will always be a void.
So how do you know what that purpose is?
I believe that your purpose is at the intersection of your passion, your people, and your proficiency.
What do I mean?
I have been passionate about, read about, talked about, and counseled about relationships, red flags, covenant, and all things related since I was a child.
Long before that situation with my friend Sophia, I was reading about the principle of love, the point of marriage, the roles of the wife and husband.
And God gave me discernment as I continued to read and study. I could see a troubled relationship before it became troubled. Even in my own life, I knew the guys that would be a “flavor of the month” and those that could potentially be something long term or permanent.
Relationships were my passion.
As a single adult woman, I recognized we are not being served well in the faith community or really in almost any community.
Single women are looked at as desperate if we admit that we want to be married.
We are labeled as “angry” women who act like we don’t need a man if we don’t admit to wanting to be married.
Women who are professionally successful and enjoying life without a husband, are told that they are intimidating to men because they don’t know where to fit into our lives.
Those who are not successful or enjoying their lives are told that they are not attractive to men and that they will be “old maids”.
There are no narratives of single women that are positive, especially in the faith community.
The women who are like me have become the people that I serve and to whom my passion is directed.
10 years ago, I was asked to speak at a single’s retreat. I had to speak six times. This is not something I had ever done.
I had preached in church a few times over the years and that had gone well. However, I had never spoken on singles issues or to any of the needs of this population.
But I was single and I knew some of the things that was missing in many of the singles presentations and retreats that I had ever been to.
God poured into me and gifted me not just with a message, but with a method of presenting that resonated with the audience.
In addition, I have a degree in psychology and social work. Listening, counseling, and coaching was already part of my life work.
I combined the gift of speaking and listening with the skills of counseling and coaching to share the messages God gave me and then to connect one on one with those who needed to talk about their individual concerns.
Back To You
What are you passionate about?
Who do you want to serve?
What are you gifted in?
When you find the intersection, you will find your purpose.
Until next time, make choices that will help you create a life you love!